It was a new year….2011. We were starting over in a lot of ways. We were still healing from the previous year’s events, but ready for a fresh start.
I was determined that year, that no matter what happened to us, I was going to be strong and not waiver in my relationship with the Lord.
I felt like the previous year had been such a rollercoaster and I had struggled with asking God WHY so much. I struggled with how to pray. I struggled with the fear of not knowing God’s plan….and thoughts that maybe being a mom wasn’t God’s plan for me. I had been in the Word so much, but was still struggling.
2011 was a big turning point in our life.
I was determined.
My husband had some pretty amazing things happen (that I will tell you about it a little bit.)
I stayed in God’s Word, I was diligent in my prayer life….not just for me, but praying for others. I had been praying for other couples I knew that couldn’t get pregnant. Even when God gave them babies (and not me)….I kept praying. I started reading a book on infertility and miscarriage and it really helped with my healing process. I began pouring more of myself into my ministries at church.
Do you know the song “While I’m Waiting” by John Waller? That was my mantra. I would saaaang it from the top of my lungs.
If this was where God had us…..it was according to His plan! I was not about to waste one.more.second of my life wallowing in shame and pity. I was not going to waste anymore time wishing I was at another point in life. I was NOT going to tell God anymore that I KNEW BETTER. He is perfect, holy, good, loving….our Lord……and trusting Him was all we could do.
My heart my set to serve Him faithfully while we waited.
In the back of my mind and heart I knew if He never filled my womb…..that is was going to be OK.
God knew the desires of our heart to be parents, and we believed that somehow we WOULD BE PARENTS.
Sidenote: After we got the go-ahead from our Dr. we began trying for baby Shepard again. But this time it was not with as much crazy planning as before. I just didn’t have the strength for that anymore.
We had the opportunity to go on a mission trip to Uruguay with our church. We had been once before and it changed our life! I mean it! It was so awesome. I wanted to go again so bad. I knew it was exactly what we needed to do. I felt God telling me to GO! Tim was in total agreement that we should go too. (however, what I didn’t know at the time….was that he was realllllly struggling and didn’t want to go on the mission trip. he just said yes cause I wanted to. remember this point for later!)
God provided in amazing ways for us to go on that trip. We DID NOT HAVE THE MONEY! Remember all the medical stuff we had just been through? It reconfirmed to me that we were exactly where God wanted us and He provided every dollar we needed…..from some really unexpected places too!
To make a long story short (haha!) while on our mission trip Tim finally surrendered to God’s call on his life to go into full time ministry!!!!!!!!! I say finally….because Tim had been struggling with this decision for years. He had been running from it. He allowed the world to dictate his decisions. His job was luring money and promotions in front of him. He felt he wasn’t smart enough or couldn’t make it through the school. He was not where he should have been in his relationship with God. And I think our miscarriage was the last straw. God got a hold of Tim on that mission trip. He got right with Him, was used by God in amazing ways on the trip and finally said YES to the call on his life. It was the coolest thing EVER! I was not shocked. I knew God had been working on Tim for a long time.
So, we get back home and EVERYTHING CHANGED!!!!!!
We were scared, but we knew God had something very special in store for us!
Tim started looking at where to go to school. How were we going to pay for school?
He started school that summer. I was a proud wifey!
We were hitting the gym like crazy people that summer too. I’m not really sure if that is important in the story or not…..I just remember it was a big part of our life at that time. I really enjoyed taking care of my body. I had lost about 30 lbs since our miscarriage.
Our marriage changed that summer too. God had been growing us through this entire process. And some pretty cool things happened. It was strong and nothing was going to tear us apart. Not infertility…not ANYTHING!
Oh another change…..(yes as you can tell, we were definitely in a season of change!): We were asked at church to lead the college ministry at our church. This was another whole can of worms of learning, growing and trusting God.
We were so excited that God was allowing us to serve…..WHILE WE WAITED!
We went back to our doctor over the summer. Even through all this I just told you…..discouragement was still there.
Our doctor gave us a challenge. She wanted us to wait through the summer and keep trying on our own for baby Shepard. She said to come back in in the fall if were still not pregnant (that would be almost exactly a year since our miscarriage). That fall we would begin looking at our options….really really expensive options.
September rolled around.
Expensive fertility treatment or did God give us a baby?
Find out in the final segment coming soon! :)